Somewhere in between..

Reflection or Deflection

2006-08-09T10:51:00.000+08:00

Dear Roy..

Its been quite a ride since these couple of months. I complaint a lot. Not realizing the blessings that come along with its glory i should say. Okay, im just exaggerating it. Haha! Anyways, before i started my 2nd sem of this year i struggled with God. I was struggling quite a bit like how Jacob wrestled with God in the wilderness. I had a lot of questions. Questions that needed answers desperately. "Why is this happening, Lord? Where are you in times like these?" popped out almost every minute. My heart was crushed to bits and pieces not knowing that God has a better plans for me. In case if you can't remember, you were supposed to work in Infineon Malacca but yeah, thanks to that indian a**, you had to stay in college for 4 gawddamn months! When she said "No!!" the first time i asked, i sinked into depression and loneliness as i wanted to go back so desperately. 4 months at home seemed a long time for me. Not because im a homely person who loves home so much that i cannot stay elsewhere, but because i thought i could do God a favour in helping the church or occupy myself in teaching the kids in church so that they can be of value to God. Little did i know, God works miracles in His own time and He makes it perfect for our lives.. I met more friends and found a new home church! Work wasn't a good ride tho. I got stucked to a bunch of moron kids who didn't or still don't know the concept of growing up and the fact that they must work to earn good grades. Either that or they still think that life is a bed or roses(without thorns!). Anyway, church.. I must admit that ive been very critical in comparing whats there and whats here, forgetting or not knowing the fact that the church here in mlc is in crisis. I believe that all things are perfected in His own timing tho we may not know the reason why it happened. I found the very first reason why i loved Him. I found the meaning to really love God. I found the meaning of why do we love Him. I saw passion and true love. I found a reason to love God even more. Sometimes life can be as such that we find it so hard to comprehend; purpose and dreams. But however hard is life, it never fails to surprise us with its twist and turns. Rest assure, that God is all-knowing.

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

Saving grace.

2006-07-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

As I was doing my quiet time, I reflected on what Sidney Mohede read during his recent worship concert in CHC. One of the passages that strucked me hard only today was this and so I made an effort to read and understand.

Psalm 1 (NKJV)

1 Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.
4 The ungodly are not so,
But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
6 For the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the ungodly shall perish.

It is comforting to know that God knows me inside out. I was reminded of all the goodness he has done for me over the years. I take some time to read everything I've written and I think I have grown as a person. I shouldn't be bothered about what people might perceive of me but what matters the most is what my Pa think about me. It is quite contradicting to read passages like this in bad times but He rewards those who persevered. I wish life could be easier.

He is good.

Pa, your love shall not go in vain. =)

Yet again..

2006-07-18T12:27:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought the last post was the end.
Maybe I would drop this again.. who knows..
To all who dropped by, thank you very much.

...

No more tagboard. =)
Means.. no more rubbish.
Is it coincidence?
It's July.
Anniversary?
I don't know.
Happy Anniversary, anyway.

End.

Mrs. Morgan's..

2006-01-25T11:59:00.000+08:00

Im like.. soaked with loads of indons these few days.. 'dok mau gua kasi cerita?? gua bisa benyuit kasi lu iya?'. Since CNY is 4 days away, they kept on tellin me about their pesawat as well. Nasi lemak in indonesia is called nasi gemuk or nasi buduk(not sure bout the spelling).. nasi buduk can only be found in jakarta.. but somehow or rather they come from the lemak origin. Lols. Indonesians have played a big part in me. I have been mingling with them since i was 9 years old. They are not that bad as they seemed to be. =)

Anyways, when i was back home during the holidays, just after the new year celebration. I was given the opportunity to minister to this poor kid. Doctors diagnosed him with leukaemia. He received that heartbreaking news with a very calm heart. This poor kid once had dreams. He was very playful and smart, sed his mom. And because of this poor kid, they actually hope for a miracle that can only be found in Jesus. They were(?!) buddhist. But with a determine heart and alil faith, this boy decided to believe in hope. So a group of us went to minister him in the hospital. He smiled a lot. Didnt talk much. Ive been updated yesterday that he has only until CNY to live. Parents have been informed, not the boy. He is still hoping. Hoping. He is 17.

I asked myself.. How do i live my life? Why did i crave for death when weaknesses took over me? He wants to live and see this world when some of us can just throw our life away within a few minutes. God works in a way that we could not comprehend but i believe in this boys death, another family is saved. That should be my comfort. When i looked at him, i saw victory. His race is almost nearing the finishing line. Still i am thankful that i can have another year to live. I am more grateful than ever and in life, nothing is definite but death is inevitable.

Bah. Another homecoming awaits me.. yayness.

Evolution(?!)

2006-01-24T12:31:00.000+08:00

As I was in class this morning, something came to my mind.. like in a glimpse of a second. Part of what im learning is connected to the internet. By the rate of how population have grown over generations and generations to come, the pace of internet development is currently complying to that pace. Unconsciously, internet has created another world for us to live in.. e.g the movie Matrix, Neo in the cyberworld, Mr. Anderson in the real world. Which do you want to live in? Which do you intend to make your life meaningful? Nothing goes without the web. It has become a medium to everything. The underlying truth whether or not we should be asking ourselves would be; will the internet be a threat to us?

What took me to a halt in class was.. how much we have become so dependant to it. Antidote and drug. Everything in one. One world for everyone and it is available and accessible to every soul. This world has no limits.. no boundaries. Think hard. Stop. Reflect.

Jaded

2006-01-24T00:16:00.000+08:00

Lol. My apology for not updating. Am seriously thinking about abandoning this page. Time constraint forbids me from making this a routine and i seriously didnt know how much my page would impact some of you. Hehe.. maybe not impact but i didnt expect to have frequent visitors lah. I thank you sincerely for keeping up with me.

I come to a point where sometimes i fear that i can be very hypocritical about some issues i write here. But i also realized that the best things in life are shared.. an excerpt from liquor advert. Lol. Funny how these adverts can be so positive but selling something very wrong. Ironic.

I passed all papers for last term and for that i am very thankful. I couldnt have asked for more. It was a miracle. Really. In times like these.. i really thank Him. But on the bad side, college screwed up on me. Things changing so rapidly fast that i couldnt catch up so much. Next thing i know, my exam is on the 6th of march. Thats like 3 weeks after CNY break. Lecturers attempting the impossible by trying to finish 14 chapters in 4 weeks time. Incredible. Can anyone define me the word 'education'?

Good night world.

Zzz..

For now..

2005-11-30T15:36:00.000+08:00

I want..
1. You
2. PRS guitar
3. A marshall amplifier
4. A pair of levi's jeans
5. Nike sneakers
6. 48hrs of sleep
7. endless
8. list of
9. christmas
10. presents!!

Silence

2005-11-30T15:16:00.000+08:00

Lets observe a minute of silence now, shall we?

Dear Lord,
All I could do and not do is in Your hands now,
All my toils and labour have been materialised in the past hours.
And all that I could say is I give thanks for whatever that may come my way.
I wish I had more time.
I wish I haven't been so ignorant.
I wish the consequence of the future will not fall so hard on me.
I wish I could turn back time and erase everything that was hurtful to Your eyes.
After all that has been said and done I still could stand proud and say that You are great.
I want to depend on You now. I've done all I could and now it's Your turn.
And here I am.. trusting and waiting for Your miracle.
I come with no expectations, only believe.
Will You ever disappoint me?
I will be prepared by then in case You said 'no'.
But You made the impossibles, a reality today.
So if ever I passed this red sea.. with the Egyptians trailing behind,
I know You are able to do that miracle.. again.
All the world will rejoice, especially me, if You can be so kind. *smiles innocently*
All I could do now.. is wait.
Amen.

Now, thank you for your kind thoughts.. we shall now celebrate for a month of holidays!!!
psst.. another paper, another paper.. no worries.. study.. study.. haha!

Galatians 5: 24 (The Message)
²⁴Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good--crucified.

Phobia-tically wrong..

2005-11-25T17:32:00.000+08:00

Aww.. Look at that miserable depressing long face.. I bet you were disappointed when you came in here. haha! I have been miserably disorganized and 24 hours isnt enough for a day. How I wish if I could turn back time or set the time in slow-mo, then I can sit back and watch everything slow and nice. That would be awesome! Oh by the way, I can even procrastinate all I want! =P

Anyways, on the brink of attempting suicide.. so any last words you wish to leave me? Please do so. I know its an unforgivable sin but thats the only way out i could think about right now. Like erm.. slit my wrist and watch myself slowly bleeding to death. LoL. Exam is knocking me off my feet and I wish I could go an inch further than time. Then I would be 0.00001 second in front. Hahaha. Damn! Exam is an excruciating pain!

Retreat

2005-11-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

If only I could recover from this post-emo syndrom that has kept me away for sometime already now. Caught up with so many things and i really need a very long, long holiday! And guess what? Exams in 2 weeks time!

Umm.

Lost passion in blogging 'cause of this very good lady. Made me think for awhile about all these 'in-thing', writing all the what nots, daily shits and routines we go through are really bullsh*t sometimes. For some of us, writing here seems like life and blood. Amusing really.

Stygian

2005-10-22T18:41:00.000+08:00

I was shoved into a corner in my room where I find the need of space. The urgency somehow building within me, but I couldn't comprehend this feeling so deep. It wasn't anything surreal. Morbid. If I could say that again. I plunged myself into deep-waters-like a torrent of confusion. What is this, I asked. Have I found myself in everything I have become today. What have my 22 years of life given me in what I am today. Being somewhat melancholic in nature can sometimes pull me so low that I could feel so broken in the inside, yet, I am made complete with You. Like broken glasses I picked up pieces of me, blood dripped in vain, renewed and shaped to be another beautiful glass on display. Is my life a display or on display?

Confused.

I think to myself, throughout my entire life, what have I achieved that i could make someone proud. What have i done that I could tell the world about Him. Envy. I was told that I could be more than what I am today. Friends I know miles away, doing great mighty things for both themselves as well as Him. I could only dream. In searching for definition and purpose, I have seen many things, gone thru every junction, yet, sometimes I am made to be ungrateful. It is like pulling strings in pantomime without any soul and emotion attached to it. Blinded characters danced in this play of meaningless. Am I one of them?

With all I am hoping to be, time is my bestfriend.

It is so hard to sing things like '..now that I've found you, everything around me is changing'. It is so hard to not swear and yet the world is telling me it's alright to do so. As I jot this unhappy thought.. God is so good. He sings to me. These words keep singing to me..

'Jesus.. hold me into Your heart.
Into Your heart
And my soul delights..
And I know You hear my pray.
Take me deeper, Lord'

Time and time again, I have disappointed if not many, one. I need grace. More grace. Even among fellow men I have walked and trod along whatever may come, then and now, they haven't been one I can lean on to. Was it so hard to be just plain honest? Oh. Just so you know, whatever you may insist, your fake dirty pretentious heart beats me.

'by Your love Lord You opened my heart
Now Your light will shine always
By Your Word Lord Your promise secure
And my soul will live always
Take me deeper Lord'

Is it necessary to put all these in words? No. But someone ought to know.

I need a shower.

Love

2005-10-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

Found this in friend's blog and then another, and another, and another. I find it amusing and yet i could laugh over it. Love does take us hostage. Funny how we sometimes love in exchange for hurt. Why is it so hurtful to love another? Haven't you heard, we are created to love and be loved? Is love worth seeking? Not according to this writer..

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

-neil gaiman-

I choose to keep good memories and erase hurt. Love does not hurt. It hurts a bit but eventually love overcomes. Love mends. Love binds two souls together. Love gives warmth. Love embraces hurt. I can't help it but to fall in love over and over again. It's like i found this love pattern somewhere in me. Love is bitter when its bruised. Somehow it keeps pulling me in one direction. Love is such a massive word. There's something about the word that we cannot understand.

But yeahh.. loving people hurts!

Pretty much how I feel everytime, anyways.

smiles..

2005-10-18T12:40:00.000+08:00

Happiness.. The Morning Sun.
Joy.
Laugh.
Cackles.
Chuckles.
Winks.
Giggles.
Smiles.
Thinking.
Missing.

more than that, this means a lot more than words
*hugs n kisses*

You.

cheebeebuboowawaa

2005-10-10T13:07:00.000+08:00

Today.. is nothing but another day. Here are just some of my bits i gathered the past week.

Guys are a pathetic lot. Pick one.

Laaa.. Johnny found his scissors in the drawer.

Austrians were vikings according to Dave's doctrine.

The ambience of nothingness can be seen in a drowning pool.. but lasting not.

You can actually cross the river by.. walking?

Esprit lingers on my tongue like.. since a century ago? .. thee rasberry please.

New lovely things arent exactly what they seem at first glance.

Burger King in mp?! And even Auntie Anne's?! Whoaaaaaaaaaa.. `mp' stands for Mahkota Parade(Crown Parade :P)

Bahh..

Chickens in Kenny Roger's are squizly small and tak-cukup-makan. Kurus like hell!!

Can you touch the sky? Would you want to touch the sky? Try climbing or crawling for a start.

Am thinking about Her right now at this very moment..

Home is soon becoming my safe refuge, yet days await my calling.. (?!)

#$!*)!*&^&#!~$%$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Done.

Jesus loves me.. (even when im old?!)

2005-10-09T13:12:00.000+08:00

Saw this in annette's and i never knew someone could write(or change) this song we used to sing in sunday school. Remember when we were little and we sing this over and over again until our hands n lips grow weary? Yeah.. it is the exact same song just that this is the so-called adult version and i think it is cute and sweet.. (sing to the very same tune of 'Jesus loves me' and nyak.. nyak.. nyak)

Jesus loves me, this I know,
Though my hair is white as snow.
Though my sight is growing dim,
Still He bids me trust in Him.

(CHORUS)
YES, JESUS LOVES ME... YES, JESUS LOVES ME...
YES, JESUS LOVES ME FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Though my steps are oh, so slow,
With my hand in His I'll go.
On through life, let come what may,
He'll be there to lead the way.

Though I am no longer young,
I have much which He's begun.
Let me serve Christ with a smile,
Go with others the extra mile.

When the nights are dark and long,
In my heart He puts a song.
Telling me in words so clear,
"Have no fear, for I am near."

When my work on earth is done,
And life's victories have been won.
He will take me home above,
Then I'll understand His love.

I love Jesus, does he know?
Have I ever told Him so?
Jesus loves to hear me say,
That I love Him every day

Psalm 133

2005-10-07T15:35:00.000+08:00

My picture of a real sweet worship.. from The Message.

Psalm 133
A pilgrim song of David
1How wonderful, how beautiful,
when brothers and sisters get along!
2It's like costly anointing oil
flowing down head and beard,
Flowing down Aaron's beard,
flowing down the collar of his priestly robes.
3It's like the dew on Mount Hermon
flowing down the slopes of Zion.
Yes, that's where Yahweh commands the blessing,
ordains eternal life.

Time

2005-09-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

Potatomato!

Hehe..

Time has never been on my side lately. Never done enough with everything.

Done stupid shitty community service. No need for elaboration.

Tired. Exhausted.

I'll be going home in a few more hours. Cant wait for another homecoming. Looking forward to Melaka! Melaka! Melaka! Will be leading worship this weekend. Havent selected my songs. Havent tongeng-ed. Havent been doing my quiet time for quite sometime already. Guilt. Bahh...
I need God to multiply my time. Amen.

Had McDee just now in pyramid. Lovely.

Anyway.

Sigur Ros is.. weird.

Incubus is.. odd.. yet comforts me.

I love this song..

Rest In You
Hillsong United

Your faithfullness endures always
Where mountains fall and reason fails
And You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You
All I know is I find rest in You

My heart will praise throughout the night
Where singing seems a sacrifice
Your grace is all I need
Your grace is all I need

I need grace, Jesus..

Ecclesiastes 7

2005-09-27T02:02:00.000+08:00

Current reading.. from The Message.

Ecclesiastes 7

1A good reputation is better than a fat bank account. Your death date tells more than your birth date.

2You learn more at a funeral than at a feast--
After all, that's where we'll end up. We might discover
something from it.
3Crying is better than laughing.
It blotches the face but it scours the heart.

4Sages invest themselves in hurt and grieving.
Fools waste their lives in fun and games.

5You'll get more from the rebuke of a sage
Than from the song and dance of fools.

6The giggles of fools are like the crackling of twigs
Under the cooking pot. And like smoke.

7Brutality stupefies even the wise
And destroys the strongest heart.

8Endings are better than beginnings.
Sticking to it is better than standing out.

9Don't be quick to fly off the handle.
Anger boomerangs. You can spot a fool by the lumps on his head.

10Don't always be asking, "Where are the good old days?"
Wise folks don't ask questions like that.

11Wisdom is better when it's paired with money,
Especially if you get both while you're still living.
12Double protection: wisdom and wealth!
Plus this bonus: Wisdom energizes its owner.

13Take a good look at God's work.
Who could simplify and reduce Creation's curves and angles
To a plain straight line?

14On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won't take anything for granted.

15I've seen it all in my brief and pointless life--here a good person cut down in the middle of doing good, there a bad person living a long life of sheer evil. 16So don't knock yourself out being good, and don't go overboard being wise. Believe me, you won't get anything out of it. 17But don't press your luck by being bad, either. And don't be reckless. Why die needlessly?
18It's best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it.

19Wisdom puts more strength in one wise person
Than ten strong men give to a city.

20There's not one totally good person on earth,
Not one who is truly pure and sinless.

21Don't eavesdrop on the conversation of others.
What if the gossip's about you and you'd rather not hear it?
22You've done that a few times, haven't you--said things
Behind someone's back you wouldn't say to his face?

23I tested everything in my search for wisdom. I set out to be wise, but it was beyond me, 24far beyond me, and deep--oh so deep! Does anyone ever find it? 25I concentrated with all my might, studying and exploring and seeking wisdom--the meaning of life. I also wanted to identify evil and stupidity, foolishness and craziness.
26One discovery: A woman can be a bitter pill to swallow, full of seductive scheming and grasping. The lucky escape her; the undiscerning get caught. 27At least this is my experience--what I, the Quester, have pieced together as I've tried to make sense of life. 28But the wisdom I've looked for I haven't found. I didn't find one man or woman in a thousand worth my while. 29Yet I did spot one ray of light in this murk: God made men and women true and upright; we're the ones who've made a mess of things.

how true.. someone already felt what I am feeling right now. Wow! To think of that is beyond my imagination.

..In My Sleeves

2005-09-25T13:28:00.000+08:00

A laizeee weekend.. Bahh

I am tagged, but that will come later, ya? hehe..

My current wallpaper:

hehehe.. try and see if you can really watch or catch em one by one..

My current smell(thanks cherry pie!):

Love the sensual side of it altho very musky at times.. but the smell is really penetrating n provoking. The scent of just one drop would make you melt(applicable to gurls.. Only!).Hehe.. the design and casing is a blastoff.. Well, we didnt know how to tekan or picit so that the hole would spray something.. but eventually we got it all figured out, didnt we? hehe.. It's always Hugo Boss In-Motion.

My latest obsession:

Screw iPod nano!

right now.. this is what i desire the most. but imagine this, 500 songs in 2GB.. thats not worth my money, really. but then again, can i really listen to all 500 songs at a time. No. So why the heck bother.. I 'm thinking of selling my 6600, get a cheaper fone, save more money and get an iPod nano. Lets see how it goes. I shall get my hands on this one once my cashflow gives me the green light. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee....

leaning on the ramparts

2005-09-24T03:19:00.000+08:00

It has been raining these few days. Everything seems rather bleak(hehe.. neesh, if ur reading this, dont laugh! i insist! =P). Strong wind blowing from south to north. Trees waving their branches praising Spirit in the sky for this wonderful blessing. Little kiut froggies forming a powerful choir singing their perfectly orchestrated rhythm aloud to welcome the beautiful tune of raindrops on the tin roof. Overwhelmed with soaking wetness, the sky started to break up and gliding over to the southern sky. I've been very much involved in getting everything done in a slow-mo. Maybe it's me. Not something that I'm proud of but at least I finished it. Well done, boy..

Blerghh..

Been caught up with tons of work these past few weeks. Went back last week and been a good homecoming, really. Met her for a quiet celebration(not!.. heehee. thanks very much, cherry pie). And packed myself with meet-ups with alil bit of here and there, bits and pieces.. multiplied with infinity. %&^#@%#^*!!.. I must say that things which we planned much earlier would somehow turn out to be a blessing in disguise when it didnt happen or at least given credit that it MUST happen, but didnt happen. Mien! I missed the good old days when boredom strikes, I could just hit the keypads and meet up somewhere for a drink or watever. Life was much easier back then. Somehow I dont feel that anymore when I go back. So much has changed. And I tell to myself if I dont keep up with this pace, I would never catch up. Then again, am thankful to think that I am here for a purpose or rather subjective if you put it in a way. That growing up or as a citizen of this planet earth, one must have a education certificate to tell the world that I AM EDUCATED. Standards of this world were mostly set by people like us and it is sad to see that we are applying these pressure on ourselves. Chinese family are taught to educate their children so that they could brag to their neighbours about their pathetic kids doing well and berjaya but also suffering in this 'elsewhere'. Yeahh so what if they have laboured hard enough before us? But the thought of trying to purchase that license to work in a particular field/organization requires hard labour and consistency to pursue and toil for this piece of paper whichever/however they brand it. We are living in a cruel society. That is a fact. Yet we deny it everytime when we ourselves are being cruel. Its a never ending cycle. And it will keep on going, with no break, until this world is doom.

Last 3 weeks, attended Sunway Monash Christian Fellowship twice. And somehow the sermons are connected. In one way or another. Will elaborate once I'm done with analytical judgement on how I perceive/conclude them.

A sneak preview. Heehee.. Notice the kiut preacher.

The world is sleeping and I am still wide awake. Thinking. DO I have a cause to live/fight for?

Anyway

Reading 3 books at once is not a good idea at all. Not at all.

Currently reading: Exodus

For Jan..

2005-09-11T12:37:00.000+08:00

An unfamiliar thread
held by true words, but
strange as it sounds - comforts me

I would believe, naively:
atoms meet though miles,
souls do speak, but silence keeps..

Infinite reality.
Reflections distilled:
poured out, brimming, reminding

When reasons are lost, I pine.
Though night has not come,
I am profusely clumsy..

As the last words ring still, twice;
I shut my eyes and
strange as it seems, you are here.

*Saw this on someone's blog.. Thought it was sweet..

the unrepentant..

2005-09-09T01:24:00.001+08:00

Dad,

I never realized I was that far from You..
I didnt know the distance..
My mind wanders..
I cannot escape..
I tried to be that person You wanted me to be..
I am trying hard..
My struggles are pulling me apart..
My burdens are getting heavier..
Where are You at times like these?
I know You are near..
But I cannot feel You..
Are You there?
How much have I missed?
It was nothing trivial when I first met You..
I know You are looking down from up above..
I believe in You..
My life is an open book..
And You are my Eternal Author..
Help me, Dad..

I need grace.. I need love..

Psalms 139

2005-09-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

Current thoughts.. taken from The Message

PSALMS 139

GOD, investigate my life;
get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
then up ahead and you’re there, too –
Your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful –
I cant take it all in!

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

to be out of you sight?If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute –
you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
Night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking!
body and soul, I am marvelously made
I worship in adoration – what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.

You thoughts – how rare, how beautiful!
God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them –
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers – out of here! –
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, GOD,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!

Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about,
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong –
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

Even as I type my deepest thoughts about my struggles here, I wonder if I am being judged.
Seeking for my self-worth again.. I forget.
Oh well.. life moves on.

~bonked

2005-09-05T16:10:00.000+08:00

Tired.
Confused.
Groggy.
Lethargic.
Sleepy.
Head's spinning and spinning..
Everything goes by so fast..
Eyelids shuttin' down..

Blerghh.. ~bonked.

reminiscence..

2005-09-04T10:42:00.000+08:00

deleted for convenience.

*being emo..

2005-09-02T21:24:00.000+08:00

my heresies..

Everything has its season. Season to smile. Season to hate. Many times, nevermind the small little details, we've come to a conclusion that we are at fault for some stupid reason that doesn't really bother anyone. When it comes, it hits us very slowly. The common word would be 'self-destroying'. We are all responsible for our own actions/behaviour. Attitude defines who we are and what we would be in the future. At this point of my life, i feel empty and lost. But i know where i stand and im not happy. There is a season to everything so they say. It's not a very good season for me around this time.

Everything seems to be so low. Something i came across recently.. "what is life but a temporary lull between life and death". Many define life in their own perspective. I would be stupid to say that life is all but happy and happy and happy all the time. There's a time to cry and there's a time to stand on your feet and overcome the situation at hand. These are just my thoughts at random. I've been very disturbed these few weeks. Many things happened in just a short period of time. I haven't even digested the first one.

I took the gamble to play a dangerous game and im happy that now i no longer dwell in it. It was my fault. I deserved the entire blame and temper thrown at me. But what are they for? Temporal fleeing feelings thrown and hoping for a clear conscience mind after that? Would an apology be enough to cover every fault and lie? I'm just trying to be human.. flesh easily succumb to my own lust and desire. Indulgence to a deluding mind wasn't what I expected in that first bend. I should have seen it coming but i was blinded. Sorry's pouring out after the green light and it flooded the whole entire street. Broken hearts everywhere. My heresies. My sorrows. At the end of them all, I still plod and plough through. I'm living life just like anyone else do.

One dude lived like 5 blocks away from me is now in the run because of his past actions. Wrong attitude that cost his wife and children to suffer today. He was trying to live life just like anyone else do. Everything he has built just crumbled to pieces. It is frightening to live life when you know someone wants to kill you. Another soul condemned to hell is on the death list. I suddenly felt the urge to spread some comfort to him but knowing he wouldn't receive to whatever i was planning to say, i backed off. So much for the faith that has carried me through.

I'm living two separate lives now. One in Melaka. Another in Sunway. I see my own reflection in one and the other, my escape. Lately, I'm troubled by so many things that shouldn't have bothered me in the first place. It's my choice to not think. Free will. Life with chaos and destruction. I'm drifting away. The 'me' always comes first. It's time to put God the center of my life now. Because He is always centered and true. God help me! It was really comforting when i received an sms from my Pastor last nite. It goes something like this..

"When it comes to the future, there are 3 kinds of people; those who let it happen, those who make it happen and those who wonder what happened..." I belong to the 2nd category.

I am glad and grateful that I have people who really love me for who i am and they are all around me. Though trusting them is an option and a risk, I will take my chance.

Everyting is meaningless..
Ecclesiastes 1:1-11 NIV

*Words uttered in a state of emotional breakdown*

I admire You!!

2005-09-01T15:16:00.000+08:00

Admiration
Incubus

Could You move in slow motion?
Everything goes by so fast
Just slow down a little
Save the best part for last

You speak in riddles
Your intentions turn me on
I'm Yours forever
Will You love me when I'm gone?
When i'm gone!

You're an unfenced fire! (i'm gone)
Over walls we travel! (i'm gone)
Its You I admire! (i'm gone)
My living example

Your eyes are an undiscovered ocean far away
Any minute now keeping
Both poets and priests at bay
Don't get ahead of me
Could we just this once see eye to eye?
What You offer has me
Ask me how it feels to vie
To vie!

Your an unfenced fire! (to vie)
Over walls we travel! (to vie)
Its You I admire! (to vie)
My living example

Its a photograph discovered a decade after
Its a cannon blast disguised as a firecracker
Its enough to bring a brick wall to its knees
And sing, please

Could You move in slow motion?
Everything goes by so fast
Just slow down a little
Save the best part for last
For last!

You're an unfenced fire! (for last)
Over walls we've travel! (for last)
Its You I admire! (for last)
My living example
My living example

Its You I admire!!
My living example..

Cries of Independance

2005-08-31T00:05:00.001+08:00

Happy 48th Birthday Malaysia..

i cant wait

2005-08-30T08:25:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is merdeka!

so saaaaaad..

2005-08-27T14:29:00.000+08:00

bubye home...
*sobs*
i'l miss you..
and the softsoft bed..
and the aircond..
and the food! *sighs*
and the nicenice chair...
and the tv..
and yea my sisters..
my parents..
my old doggie...
my kongkong...
and cheong peng kong chu. >.< with sai hin as well...

i feel so sad...
and frustrated..
and depressed..
and also sad...sadder....sadderest

=(

2005-08-23T09:37:00.000+08:00

its such a pity none of Us had time to blog yesterday...
well there should be at least one super short entry!
hehe.. hafta wait for next month then...
the pain is subsiding, but at times when im sitting or lying down in the wrong position,
it will hurt.

please please please dont ask me to stop using aircond?
i'l die of suffocation or eaten to death by mosquitos...
*coff coffs*

im waiting for Your reply rite now..
*glances at the fone*
im still thinking if i should keep the curls...
wouldnt it be menyusahkan if i did?
im in shithole remember?
tho i really reeeeeeeeeealy love them..
*sighs*

im going out in another 10 minutes n ur not replyiiiiinnnng...
i wonder how are You..
what ur doing..
have You eaten..
coz i havent!
heehee..

lemme sing a song for You..

*ahem ahem*

`twinkle twinkle little starrr,
how i wonder what You are...
up above the world so hiiiiigh,
like a diamond in the skyyy..
twinkle twinkle little starrr,
how i wonder...what You are'

*mmmmmuuuuaaaaah*

unexplainable feeling

2005-08-20T23:27:00.000+08:00

when i said i needed time..
You said You would give it to me.
i told You i needed time.

im really sorry that im not that one important thing i should be. do know that im trying very hard. and it hurts me when i try. You're not the only One with problems. You cant compare mine with Yours. i know You think that urs is worse.. but .. You never know

i promised You i will be one. give me time..
You know..i have that fear in me as well. the same as Yours. thats why i get so worried when u dont reply.. im afraid that something happened to You.. n i dont want anything bad happening to You.

thank You for letting me know. truthfully...it was really sweet of You. no other man can be as honest as You..
i really love You... do understand that there are some things.. that i must do for myself. not exactly myself...
but to avoid myself from hurting.

know that i will always love You..
today more than yesterday but less than tomorrow..

WenJan..

2005-08-20T03:35:00.000+08:00

I love You more than anything else in this world.
Since I found You, my life is complete.
Nothing else will I ask for.. but Your love.
Your love alone satisfies me.

In the wilderness, I think about You.
In victory, I smile knowing You were beside me.
In the faceless crowd, I see Your pretty face.
When there's not a tune, I hear Your voice.

In the silence, my heart whispers Your sweetest name.

Can You feel it? Can You hear it?

This love that I have shared with you..
And the many years to come..
To You.. I give You my all.

I can still taste the first kiss You gave me.
I can never get through a night without You.
Stay with me, now and forever.
One.. we will be.

Good night my love. Sweetest sleep.

*kisses and hugs*

Mended

2005-08-20T03:20:00.000+08:00

a random thought..

It has been quite sometime since I really feel overjoyed. My heart is so heavy. I can't quite remember when was the last time my heart leapt with such joy. Have I not overcome the things in this world and lived a victorious life? I do not know what I want. I don't know what God wants. It seems so unwise to shift my anger to God when He is the one whom I loved and walk closely, faithfully everyday. Yet, I feel betrayed sometimes. I have this urgency to tell.. but something in me tells me to keep it quiet. Confused. Grace - given freely. I need more grace. The wisest thing to ask for.

Mercy.

I told myself that I will never take God for granted.. yet unconsciously I do things to break His heart everytime. I tried. I am still trying.

My heart is mended. For now.

My life isn't mine anymore. To live is Christ, to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

Roy..

2005-08-18T17:36:00.000+08:00

Close Your eyes and feel me there...
Dream upon a mended pair...
Where distance plays a distant part...
And passion comes to a blissful start

let me face it with You..

2005-08-18T17:26:00.000+08:00

I cannot ease Your aching heart,
Nor take Your pain away,
But let me stay and take Your hand,
And walk with You today.

I'll listen when You need to talk,
I'll wipe away Your tears,
I'll share Your worries when they come,
I'll help You face Your fears.

I'm here and I will stand by You,
Each hill You have to climb,
So, take my hand,
lets face the world,
Live one day at a time.

Youre not alone,
for I'm still here,
I'll go that extra mile,
And when Your grief is easier,
I'll help You learn to smile.

-WenJan-

numb

2005-08-18T11:51:00.000+08:00

bleeds to the gushing death..

Im sitting here with no sense of direction or watsoever.
Maybe this pain is eating me up slowly.
What is my pain or your pain compared to the many more..
I wish I am a healer.
Its easier to swallow them inside..
I am my own enemy.. my nemesis..
I fight.. I struggle..
Yet i succumb to this pain.
Everytime it haunts me.. I cry out to You..
Is this what I am made of?
The gravestone is already carving my name..
Earth craving for my body..
Stab me in the front.. in the back..
Let me bleed in endless despair..
I can feel no pain..
I close my eyes to sleep..
Dream of the dreams i dreamt before..
I see You.. there..
I see myself.. there..
Lying in a pool of blood..
A nightmare.
There in the funeral of the lonely..
I see myself sleeping so peacefully, smiling away..
Is this a dream?
I see my tombstone..
I feel numb..
Im drifting away to the unknown..
I can feel no hurt.. no cry..
Again.. I feel numb.

now i know

2005-08-17T12:03:00.000+08:00

its amazing how one can learn so much in a day.
today i have learnt so much.
this hurt i am going through..
is very little compared to the other hurt.
i wish the painkillers work...
i cant sleep at all.

i always wonder bout the things You said..
why..
You will never tell me.
i know. but i need to know what is wrong..
let me correct myself.
im trying to get well..
i know it troubles You when i cant breathe n all..
im taking medication.
never miss!
dont worry k..

TeeHee..

2005-08-17T10:13:00.000+08:00

Someone needs to read this..

If you really think this message speaks a thousand words..
drop a word or two..
it might be you..
who knows..

And yeah, I think they should put these up too! But I wonder if people will become immune to it after awhile. Heh.

sings why...

2005-08-16T17:39:00.000+08:00

why are You feeling that way huh? it was only yesterday.. You could have told me. i could have tried to make You better. forgive me for being a chronic patient. i promise to get better.. im eating the ubat what. please tell me when ur feeling low.. dont hide things from me. please.

..

2005-08-15T14:41:00.000+08:00

I am a saddening pathetic creature.. .. ..

today

2005-08-10T08:45:00.000+08:00

i am speechless

sighs

2005-08-09T10:19:00.000+08:00

i woke up today with my eyes red and swollen.
You know why.
i want You to know that this has nothing to do with You.
i dont want u to feel guilty or useless or watever.
i feel so tired with my life right now..
i want to sleep the days away..and never wake up.
forgive me for behaving this way...
i tried to tell You how i feel.
but it would only burden You.
n i dont want to burden You.

i tried to view things in a better way..
but i just couldnt see anything.
i look forward to being with You everyday..
You are the only thing thats keeping me going.
but at times...i feel im bothering You.
am i?
please tell me if its true.
i try so hard to not bother You.

anytime i need to see You..
i just close my eyes..
and we'l be taken to a place.
that place.
its so far......

buboo!!!

2005-08-08T08:35:00.000+08:00

when are You going back??
and when are You going to finish ur written test??
a few days not enuf ke?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
hehehe... hand it in qwik before i fail You!
>.<
cant wait for hols.. =))
yayayyyyy...

i mish Yiu!!

frowns

2005-08-08T08:25:00.000+08:00

i never meant to be so cold..
this sadness is so overwhelming..
but when i think of You...i feel so much better..
n i smile..
thinking bout You n me..
im sorry..
i hope You can forgive me for behaving this way..
for You
i will be patient.
You dont have to tell me things if You feel im not good enuf to hear it yet.
for You
i will wait.

when we are not together...
it seems i spend every second...
wishing that we were

-wenjan-

breakdown from nothingness

2005-08-04T01:46:00.000+08:00

the mindless speaks..

There's no turning back when I say it.
There's no way of knowing why.

This rollercoaster ride is making me fall into a dark pit. And I am locked for as long as I am. There's no escape. Why? Why I asked. This mess I have never asked for. Insecurity sinks in. I can hear voices telling me to go and move on. I'm begging myself to forget this incident I can never let go. I tried. I was trying to save my own skin.. my pride.. my ego.. I got bruised. I've never expected it coming. Living this life in the moment can be very aching and painful. I am wasted away. My defence crumbled.

"hold on" i tell to myself. I'm holding on to something strong. Shackled with painful thoughts I crawled out of this rut. I found the key. Unlocked. In my little escape.. I found something more than what I have been through. I see the light. I spread my arms reaching it.. embracing this new escape. My body stumbled in weakness. My mind still pursuing something unseen. What is this I asked. I know nothing can hurt me if I close every door for hurt to consume me. I am my own pain. This new methodology seemingly working for a moment. I feel betrayed. Backstabbed. Nevermind the escape now.

I pushed forward not knowing what lies ahead.. I crawled.. still crawling in the dark. I gather my thoughts. I wonder why this must happen. I wonder. Memories left unsaid. It all comes down to nothing. No I don't hate you, but now I just don't like you. My world is ruined for a second. Your fingerprints are everywhere. You wasted all the chooses and the bruises. Your alibi deserted you. You smile satisfaction looking at all of me crumbled into pieces.

I am shattered.
For now.
Redemption will come. Soon.
It doesn't rain the whole week.
I know this will hurt.
This hurts and you don't know nothing.
I hope you smirk over this.
Cause I will not dwell in defeat for long.
The trump cards are mine now.

...

2005-08-03T10:07:00.000+08:00

i miss YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damnit

2005-08-03T10:02:00.000+08:00

why is it there are so many freaking busybodys in Our lives? huh??!?!? wat did We ever do to them??!!
i have NEVER bothered other peoples private lives..
why are they bothereing mine? Ours i mean..
im so sick of this place.
the people that come from outside to this place.
the people that like to mess up ur life. Our life.
what the hell.. they are just so shitty.
i never made them miserable..
damnit why is mlc so small..
shit those ppl la.
damnitdamnitdamnit

Introduction to Us..

2005-08-02T12:35:00.000+08:00

hehehe..
its Us..
izzit us??
im just tryin to see if it's Us..

hope this works!!

*smiles..

2005-08-02T11:50:00.000+08:00

take me away.. let us hurry!!

It has been a very good weekend.. It was a blast!! Let us take a recap..

Friday

1137am - reached sunway
2pm - out to lunch with roommate
821pm - met You
9pm - we were there somewhere

Saturday

8am - good morning to us
2pm - made our way back to malacca
601pm - in church for music practice
1017pm - out there in jonker walk.. fooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!
1am - goodnite world..

Sunday

930am - church
135pm - lunch
305pm - hushy mushy..
6pm - back to reality

whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. i miss You by

attn!

2005-08-02T10:21:00.000+08:00

if it says posted by roy... its lying.
if its stated there wenjan means wenjan la.
coz this is posted by wenjan. >.<

hmm..

2005-08-02T10:12:00.000+08:00

its been sucky...since yesterday....
im so bored...
thinking bout You all the time..as usual..
i wish we could rewind and go thru the weekend all over again.....
i miss You... so very much...
unmeasurable.... =~(

wenjan

I am BIGGER than my problem

2005-07-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

the value of problems

Predictors - They help mold our future

Reminders - We are not self-sufficient. We need God and others to help

Opportunities - They pull us out of our rut and cause us to think creatively

Blessings - They open up doors that we usually do not go through

Lessons - Each new challenge will be our teacher

Everywhere - No place or person is excluded from them

Messages - They warn us about potential disaster

Solvable - No problem is without a solution

checking in..

2005-07-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

a dull life..

It's been days since I am back home.

Lazy.

Sleep.

Eat and eat..

Depressed.

Bored.

Urgh..

Blerghh..

The theory of Love according to..

2005-07-22T09:51:00.000+08:00

Just when you know it's Love..

When you think of your past love, you may view it
as a failure. In the game of love, it doesn't really
matter who won or who lost. What is important is
you know when to hold on and when to let go!

You'll never love a person you love unless you
risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't
get hurt, you don't learn how to love.

Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's
called falling in love because you don't force
yourself to fall. You just fall.

On falling out of love, take some time to heal and
then get back on the horse. But don't ever make
the same mistake of riding the same one that
threw you the first time.

Loving someone means giving him/her the freedom
to find his/her way, whether it leads towards you
or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but
the risk must be taken no matter how scary or
painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness
of humanity and that is love.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire
& tear you apart. Only love can make you cry
and only love knows why..

I can feel Love descending from up above.. hehe..

For Her..

2005-07-19T14:26:00.000+08:00

I'm so in love with You..

Fascinated by Your beauty..
Captivated by Your love..
Intoxicated by Your faithfulness..
Forever will not be enough..
Perfect is Your love
I am overwhelmed by Your sweet presence..
Everytime when You walk in..
I am just taken by You..
Forever.. I'm held by Your love..

to You.. I surrender all

Is it me?.. or is it you?

2005-07-19T03:37:00.000+08:00

i'm just so plain lazy..

Funny how I actually relate myself to this song.. It's just.. ironic.

"Maintain Consciousness"
Words and music by Michael Thiessen

Our concentration it contains a deadly flaw
our conversations change from words to blah, blah blah
we took prescription drugs but look how much good that did
well I think I had a point, but I just got distracted

Lately it just seems to me
like we've got the letters A.D.D.
branded into our mentality
we simply can't focus on anything

because its
17, 18, 19 routine
and here at 23 it's the same old me
and that one thing of the moment
that we all happen to like will
only very temporarily
kinda break the cycle
of the double edged sword
of being lazy and being bored
we just want more and more and more
till it's all we can afford

to keep our eyes open for just one more day
to keep on hoping that we'll stumble on a way
to keep our minds open for just one more day
cause its completely up to us
to maintain consciousness

well no one can possibly listen to this
more than 4 reps is just monotonous
we're losing interest, losing interest, losing interest

*It says a lot about me.. shame on me!!

Everything burns..

2005-07-19T03:34:00.000+08:00

if I could find rest..

I haven't had enough time for almost everything. My time is like shorten by 6 hours a day! A traumatic week I have ever experienced my whole entire 21 years of life. It is so depressing to face this restless, hopeless pressure. Did you not know if you put pressure on a balloon, it would explode it due time? Likewise, I'm just waiting to explode. My life is so empty at this very moment.. the only reason I'm here is to prove to the world that I'm worthy to compete amongst the ruthless barbarians. How sick is that?

I'm so sick of this life.. Exam is like tomorrow and I fear I won't make it. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" Mark 14: 34a NIV.. Jesus felt it too before he was crucified..

I have been hit too many times this week. I am so tired. But God reminded me again.. "Come to me, all you who are heavy and burdened, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28,30 NIV

I rest in You..

Sleep sweet my love..

*speechless..

2005-07-16T01:42:00.000+08:00

He guides me..

Found this in Pastor Sivin Kit's blog.. He was 21 and a Pastor when I attended a christian camp back in 2000. Now, he's married with two very cute lil' kids and a beautiful wife. Pastor Sivin Kit is currently pastoring Bangsar Lutheran Church. Isn't it beautiful to know that God is always faithful? I am reminded today that He is always there for me. Today, after lunch I was supposed to go to the computer lab to print past year papers. And God was just so kind to provide me more than I could ever ask for.

A friend of mine offered to help.. this friend, his help doesn't come always. So whenever it comes, it is a miracle and should say 'yes'. Like I said, he offered and printed for me. Whoaaaaa.. to my surprised, he didn't complain at all but helped me with glad heart. Thanks David! I was overjoyed. Save cost. Save energy. Everything was provided. hehe..

God is amazing. Funny how God works in his miraculous ways, and He is always faithful. Through the years, I have seen how He has change me as a person. He picked me up everytime when i fall, consciously and unconsciously. I have seen people changed. My environment changed. I am more teachable than before. I have learnt to accept changes and adapt quickly in it. I am more flexible in a way or another. I believe we must allow changes to do its work in us in order for us to face circumstances, problems and waves of persecution that are thrown in our direction everyday. Changes made because of pressure or circumstances will only last, if not long, for a moment. But in all this, God still remains the same. Isn't that a comfort to know? Friendship is always capable to hurt and destroy.. which shows how fickle and evil this world has become. But friendship with Him has never disappointed me before. "Everything I need is You.. My beginning, my forever.."

I have so much to do. So much to think of. So much to attend to. If only I could just be free and loose and not do anything. I feel rather empty. God help me!

Exam is next week.. I just wanna get it over with. Can't wait.

This is what God said to Joshua.. the many promises said to him, I like this one best..
"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." Joshua 1: 5 NIV

That's my prayer for next week.. Stay with me in the exam hall, Lord. Amen.

Gotta sleep. Sleep sweet You.

I depend on Him alone..

2005-07-14T20:00:00.000+08:00

read between the lines..

As I was listening to my playlist of songs last week, I got into this horrible boredom I have never felt before and guess what? I tuned in to the radio stations. Never knew they have christian radio stations on windows media player.. and this song came up. It was from Brian Littrell of Backstreet Boys.. he has such a soft heart that I could sense his passion for God when he sung this song.. and he has already signed up with a record company and will be releasing his first solo christian album this fall.. for more information, do research. :P

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope

Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

*"And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord"

this line really captivates me.. and gives me a new perspective of life..

Another day goes by..

2005-07-14T19:43:00.000+08:00

Scrutiny of the frivolous heart.

Whoaaa.. today was another boring day. But I've learnt to be more thankful than before. heck! I am thankful that I was born and bred here. I am thankful that I have hands and feet to live as normal beings. I am thankful I can see and speak. God's very gracious today. *whispers a prayer softly* fear of failing and exam phobia are quietly setting in.. and I haven't been doing anything since last week. damn I gotta get things started. About today..

woke up late because I slept late. Need to get more sleep.

skipped class. Who the hell cares anyways..

got my pathetic assignment back. Disappointed. Told myself to work harder after this.

I have a feeling I'm somewhat in charged at certain phase of my life.

I rubbed my ego on everyone.

I realized the more 'berjaya' people are, the more pride they have. And they don't seem to care at all. that sucked.

heard stories from nigeria which I will tell later.

soaked and drained in sweat. but I do not smell.

grateful and thankful that I am still alive and breathing today.

God is truly gracious and his mercy is sufficient.. truly Jehovah Jireh..

*poof*

hehehuhuhoho

2005-07-13T12:02:00.000+08:00

i am really bored.. heehee

...

2005-07-13T11:39:00.000+08:00

feelin'..

Bored!!

Oh well..

2005-07-13T03:05:00.000+08:00

13.July.2005

I have one before this one came up.. There is no specific reason to state on why I decided to start on one. But I would have to leave it to me to continue piling up stories for Her..

Oh well.. gotta get some sleep. sleep sweet.