breakdown from nothingness

the mindless speaks..

There's no turning back when I say it.
There's no way of knowing why.

This rollercoaster ride is making me fall into a dark pit. And I am locked for as long as I am. There's no escape. Why? Why I asked. This mess I have never asked for. Insecurity sinks in. I can hear voices telling me to go and move on. I'm begging myself to forget this incident I can never let go. I tried. I was trying to save my own skin.. my pride.. my ego.. I got bruised. I've never expected it coming. Living this life in the moment can be very aching and painful. I am wasted away. My defence crumbled.

"hold on" i tell to myself. I'm holding on to something strong. Shackled with painful thoughts I crawled out of this rut. I found the key. Unlocked. In my little escape.. I found something more than what I have been through. I see the light. I spread my arms reaching it.. embracing this new escape. My body stumbled in weakness. My mind still pursuing something unseen. What is this I asked. I know nothing can hurt me if I close every door for hurt to consume me. I am my own pain. This new methodology seemingly working for a moment. I feel betrayed. Backstabbed. Nevermind the escape now.

I pushed forward not knowing what lies ahead.. I crawled.. still crawling in the dark. I gather my thoughts. I wonder why this must happen. I wonder. Memories left unsaid. It all comes down to nothing. No I don't hate you, but now I just don't like you. My world is ruined for a second. Your fingerprints are everywhere. You wasted all the chooses and the bruises. Your alibi deserted you. You smile satisfaction looking at all of me crumbled into pieces.

I am shattered.
For now.
Redemption will come. Soon.
It doesn't rain the whole week.
I know this will hurt.
This hurts and you don't know nothing.
I hope you smirk over this.
Cause I will not dwell in defeat for long.
The trump cards are mine now.