Reflection or Deflection

Dear Roy..

Its been quite a ride since these couple of months. I complaint a lot. Not realizing the blessings that come along with its glory i should say. Okay, im just exaggerating it. Haha! Anyways, before i started my 2nd sem of this year i struggled with God. I was struggling quite a bit like how Jacob wrestled with God in the wilderness. I had a lot of questions. Questions that needed answers desperately. "Why is this happening, Lord? Where are you in times like these?" popped out almost every minute. My heart was crushed to bits and pieces not knowing that God has a better plans for me. In case if you can't remember, you were supposed to work in Infineon Malacca but yeah, thanks to that indian a**, you had to stay in college for 4 gawddamn months! When she said "No!!" the first time i asked, i sinked into depression and loneliness as i wanted to go back so desperately. 4 months at home seemed a long time for me. Not because im a homely person who loves home so much that i cannot stay elsewhere, but because i thought i could do God a favour in helping the church or occupy myself in teaching the kids in church so that they can be of value to God. Little did i know, God works miracles in His own time and He makes it perfect for our lives.. I met more friends and found a new home church! Work wasn't a good ride tho. I got stucked to a bunch of moron kids who didn't or still don't know the concept of growing up and the fact that they must work to earn good grades. Either that or they still think that life is a bed or roses(without thorns!). Anyway, church.. I must admit that ive been very critical in comparing whats there and whats here, forgetting or not knowing the fact that the church here in mlc is in crisis. I believe that all things are perfected in His own timing tho we may not know the reason why it happened. I found the very first reason why i loved Him. I found the meaning to really love God. I found the meaning of why do we love Him. I saw passion and true love. I found a reason to love God even more. Sometimes life can be as such that we find it so hard to comprehend; purpose and dreams. But however hard is life, it never fails to surprise us with its twist and turns. Rest assure, that God is all-knowing.

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

Saving grace.

As I was doing my quiet time, I reflected on what Sidney Mohede read during his recent worship concert in CHC. One of the passages that strucked me hard only today was this and so I made an effort to read and understand.

Psalm 1 (NKJV)

1 Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.
4 The ungodly are not so,
But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
6 For the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
But the way of the ungodly shall perish.

It is comforting to know that God knows me inside out. I was reminded of all the goodness he has done for me over the years. I take some time to read everything I've written and I think I have grown as a person. I shouldn't be bothered about what people might perceive of me but what matters the most is what my Pa think about me. It is quite contradicting to read passages like this in bad times but He rewards those who persevered. I wish life could be easier.

He is good.

Pa, your love shall not go in vain. =)

Yet again..

Just when I thought the last post was the end.
Maybe I would drop this again.. who knows..
To all who dropped by, thank you very much.

...

No more tagboard. =)
Means.. no more rubbish.
Is it coincidence?
It's July.
Anniversary?
I don't know.
Happy Anniversary, anyway.

End.

Mrs. Morgan's..

Im like.. soaked with loads of indons these few days.. 'dok mau gua kasi cerita?? gua bisa benyuit kasi lu iya?'. Since CNY is 4 days away, they kept on tellin me about their pesawat as well. Nasi lemak in indonesia is called nasi gemuk or nasi buduk(not sure bout the spelling).. nasi buduk can only be found in jakarta.. but somehow or rather they come from the lemak origin. Lols. Indonesians have played a big part in me. I have been mingling with them since i was 9 years old. They are not that bad as they seemed to be. =)

Anyways, when i was back home during the holidays, just after the new year celebration. I was given the opportunity to minister to this poor kid. Doctors diagnosed him with leukaemia. He received that heartbreaking news with a very calm heart. This poor kid once had dreams. He was very playful and smart, sed his mom. And because of this poor kid, they actually hope for a miracle that can only be found in Jesus. They were(?!) buddhist. But with a determine heart and alil faith, this boy decided to believe in hope. So a group of us went to minister him in the hospital. He smiled a lot. Didnt talk much. Ive been updated yesterday that he has only until CNY to live. Parents have been informed, not the boy. He is still hoping. Hoping. He is 17.

I asked myself.. How do i live my life? Why did i crave for death when weaknesses took over me? He wants to live and see this world when some of us can just throw our life away within a few minutes. God works in a way that we could not comprehend but i believe in this boys death, another family is saved. That should be my comfort. When i looked at him, i saw victory. His race is almost nearing the finishing line. Still i am thankful that i can have another year to live. I am more grateful than ever and in life, nothing is definite but death is inevitable.

Bah. Another homecoming awaits me.. yayness.