Cries of Independance

Happy 48th Birthday Malaysia..

i cant wait

tomorrow is merdeka!

so saaaaaad..

bubye home...
*sobs*
i'l miss you..
and the softsoft bed..
and the aircond..
and the food! *sighs*
and the nicenice chair...
and the tv..
and yea my sisters..
my parents..
my old doggie...
my kongkong...
and cheong peng kong chu. >.< with sai hin as well...

i feel so sad...
and frustrated..
and depressed..
and also sad...sadder....sadderest

=(

its such a pity none of Us had time to blog yesterday...
well there should be at least one super short entry!
hehe.. hafta wait for next month then...
the pain is subsiding, but at times when im sitting or lying down in the wrong position,
it will hurt.

please please please dont ask me to stop using aircond?
i'l die of suffocation or eaten to death by mosquitos...
*coff coffs*

im waiting for Your reply rite now..
*glances at the fone*
im still thinking if i should keep the curls...
wouldnt it be menyusahkan if i did?
im in shithole remember?
tho i really reeeeeeeeeealy love them..
*sighs*

im going out in another 10 minutes n ur not replyiiiiinnnng...
i wonder how are You..
what ur doing..
have You eaten..
coz i havent!
heehee..

lemme sing a song for You..

*ahem ahem*

`twinkle twinkle little starrr,
how i wonder what You are...
up above the world so hiiiiigh,
like a diamond in the skyyy..
twinkle twinkle little starrr,
how i wonder...what You are'

*mmmmmuuuuaaaaah*

unexplainable feeling

when i said i needed time..
You said You would give it to me.
i told You i needed time.

im really sorry that im not that one important thing i should be. do know that im trying very hard. and it hurts me when i try. You're not the only One with problems. You cant compare mine with Yours. i know You think that urs is worse.. but .. You never know

i promised You i will be one. give me time..
You know..i have that fear in me as well. the same as Yours. thats why i get so worried when u dont reply.. im afraid that something happened to You.. n i dont want anything bad happening to You.

thank You for letting me know. truthfully...it was really sweet of You. no other man can be as honest as You..
i really love You... do understand that there are some things.. that i must do for myself. not exactly myself...
but to avoid myself from hurting.

know that i will always love You..
today more than yesterday but less than tomorrow..

WenJan..

I love You more than anything else in this world.
Since I found You, my life is complete.
Nothing else will I ask for.. but Your love.
Your love alone satisfies me.

In the wilderness, I think about You.
In victory, I smile knowing You were beside me.
In the faceless crowd, I see Your pretty face.
When there's not a tune, I hear Your voice.

In the silence, my heart whispers Your sweetest name.

Can You feel it? Can You hear it?

This love that I have shared with you..
And the many years to come..
To You.. I give You my all.

I can still taste the first kiss You gave me.
I can never get through a night without You.
Stay with me, now and forever.
One.. we will be.

Good night my love. Sweetest sleep.

*kisses and hugs*

Mended

a random thought..

It has been quite sometime since I really feel overjoyed. My heart is so heavy. I can't quite remember when was the last time my heart leapt with such joy. Have I not overcome the things in this world and lived a victorious life? I do not know what I want. I don't know what God wants. It seems so unwise to shift my anger to God when He is the one whom I loved and walk closely, faithfully everyday. Yet, I feel betrayed sometimes. I have this urgency to tell.. but something in me tells me to keep it quiet. Confused. Grace - given freely. I need more grace. The wisest thing to ask for.

Mercy.

I told myself that I will never take God for granted.. yet unconsciously I do things to break His heart everytime. I tried. I am still trying.

My heart is mended. For now.

My life isn't mine anymore. To live is Christ, to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

Roy..

Close Your eyes and feel me there...
Dream upon a mended pair...
Where distance plays a distant part...
And passion comes to a blissful start

let me face it with You..

I cannot ease Your aching heart,
Nor take Your pain away,
But let me stay and take Your hand,
And walk with You today.

I'll listen when You need to talk,
I'll wipe away Your tears,
I'll share Your worries when they come,
I'll help You face Your fears.

I'm here and I will stand by You,
Each hill You have to climb,
So, take my hand,
lets face the world,
Live one day at a time.

Youre not alone,
for I'm still here,
I'll go that extra mile,
And when Your grief is easier,
I'll help You learn to smile.

-WenJan-

numb

bleeds to the gushing death..

Im sitting here with no sense of direction or watsoever.
Maybe this pain is eating me up slowly.
What is my pain or your pain compared to the many more..
I wish I am a healer.
Its easier to swallow them inside..
I am my own enemy.. my nemesis..
I fight.. I struggle..
Yet i succumb to this pain.
Everytime it haunts me.. I cry out to You..
Is this what I am made of?
The gravestone is already carving my name..
Earth craving for my body..
Stab me in the front.. in the back..
Let me bleed in endless despair..
I can feel no pain..
I close my eyes to sleep..
Dream of the dreams i dreamt before..
I see You.. there..
I see myself.. there..
Lying in a pool of blood..
A nightmare.
There in the funeral of the lonely..
I see myself sleeping so peacefully, smiling away..
Is this a dream?
I see my tombstone..
I feel numb..
Im drifting away to the unknown..
I can feel no hurt.. no cry..
Again.. I feel numb.

now i know

its amazing how one can learn so much in a day.
today i have learnt so much.
this hurt i am going through..
is very little compared to the other hurt.
i wish the painkillers work...
i cant sleep at all.


i always wonder bout the things You said..
why..
You will never tell me.
i know. but i need to know what is wrong..
let me correct myself.
im trying to get well..
i know it troubles You when i cant breathe n all..
im taking medication.
never miss!
dont worry k..

TeeHee..

Someone needs to read this..

If you really think this message speaks a thousand words..
drop a word or two..
it might be you..
who knows..

And yeah, I think they should put these up too! But I wonder if people will become immune to it after awhile. Heh.

*sings* why...

why are You feeling that way huh? it was only yesterday.. You could have told me. i could have tried to make You better. forgive me for being a chronic patient. i promise to get better.. im eating the ubat what. please tell me when ur feeling low.. dont hide things from me. please.

..

I am a saddening pathetic creature.. .. ..

today

i am speechless

*sighs*

i woke up today with my eyes red and swollen.
You know why.
i want You to know that this has nothing to do with You.
i dont want u to feel guilty or useless or watever.
i feel so tired with my life right now..
i want to sleep the days away..and never wake up.
forgive me for behaving this way...
i tried to tell You how i feel.
but it would only burden You.
n i dont want to burden You.

i tried to view things in a better way..
but i just couldnt see anything.
i look forward to being with You everyday..
You are the only thing thats keeping me going.
but at times...i feel im bothering You.
am i?
please tell me if its true.
i try so hard to not bother You.

anytime i need to see You..
i just close my eyes..
and we'l be taken to a place.
that place.
its so far......

buboo!!!

when are You going back??
and when are You going to finish ur written test??
a few days not enuf ke?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
hehehe... hand it in qwik before i fail You!
>.<
cant wait for hols.. =))
yayayyyyy...

i mish Yiu!!

*frowns*

i never meant to be so cold..
this sadness is so overwhelming..
but when i think of You...i feel so much better..
n i smile..
thinking bout You n me..
im sorry..
i hope You can forgive me for behaving this way..
for You
i will be patient.
You dont have to tell me things if You feel im not good enuf to hear it yet.
for You
i will wait.

when we are not together...
it seems i spend every second...
wishing that we were


-wenjan-

breakdown from nothingness

the mindless speaks..

There's no turning back when I say it.
There's no way of knowing why.

This rollercoaster ride is making me fall into a dark pit. And I am locked for as long as I am. There's no escape. Why? Why I asked. This mess I have never asked for. Insecurity sinks in. I can hear voices telling me to go and move on. I'm begging myself to forget this incident I can never let go. I tried. I was trying to save my own skin.. my pride.. my ego.. I got bruised. I've never expected it coming. Living this life in the moment can be very aching and painful. I am wasted away. My defence crumbled.

"hold on" i tell to myself. I'm holding on to something strong. Shackled with painful thoughts I crawled out of this rut. I found the key. Unlocked. In my little escape.. I found something more than what I have been through. I see the light. I spread my arms reaching it.. embracing this new escape. My body stumbled in weakness. My mind still pursuing something unseen. What is this I asked. I know nothing can hurt me if I close every door for hurt to consume me. I am my own pain. This new methodology seemingly working for a moment. I feel betrayed. Backstabbed. Nevermind the escape now.

I pushed forward not knowing what lies ahead.. I crawled.. still crawling in the dark. I gather my thoughts. I wonder why this must happen. I wonder. Memories left unsaid. It all comes down to nothing. No I don't hate you, but now I just don't like you. My world is ruined for a second. Your fingerprints are everywhere. You wasted all the chooses and the bruises. Your alibi deserted you. You smile satisfaction looking at all of me crumbled into pieces.

I am shattered.
For now.
Redemption will come. Soon.
It doesn't rain the whole week.
I know this will hurt.
This hurts and you don't know nothing.
I hope you smirk over this.
Cause I will not dwell in defeat for long.
The trump cards are mine now.

...

i miss YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damnit

why is it there are so many freaking busybodys in Our lives? huh??!?!? wat did We ever do to them??!!
i have NEVER bothered other peoples private lives..
why are they bothereing mine? Ours i mean..
im so sick of this place.
the people that come from outside to this place.
the people that like to mess up ur life. Our life.
what the hell.. they are just so shitty.
i never made them miserable..
damnit why is mlc so small..
shit those ppl la.
damnitdamnitdamnit

Introduction to Us..

hehehe..
its Us..
izzit us??
im just tryin to see if it's Us..

hope this works!!

*smiles..

take me away.. let us hurry!!

It has been a very good weekend.. It was a blast!! Let us take a recap..

Friday

• 1137am - reached sunway
• 2pm - out to lunch with roommate
• 821pm - met You
• 9pm - we were there somewhere

Saturday

• 8am - good morning to us
• 2pm - made our way back to malacca
• 601pm - in church for music practice
• 1017pm - out there in jonker walk.. fooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!
• 1am - goodnite world..

Sunday

• 930am - church
• 135pm - lunch
• 305pm - hushy mushy..
• 6pm - back to reality

whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. i miss You by

attn!

if it says posted by roy... its lying.
if its stated there wenjan means wenjan la.
coz this is posted by wenjan. >.<

hmm..

its been sucky...since yesterday....
im so bored...
thinking bout You all the time..as usual..
i wish we could rewind and go thru the weekend all over again.....
i miss You... so very much...
unmeasurable.... =~(

wenjan