Stygian

I was shoved into a corner in my room where I find the need of space. The urgency somehow building within me, but I couldn't comprehend this feeling so deep. It wasn't anything surreal. Morbid. If I could say that again. I plunged myself into deep-waters-like a torrent of confusion. What is this, I asked. Have I found myself in everything I have become today. What have my 22 years of life given me in what I am today. Being somewhat melancholic in nature can sometimes pull me so low that I could feel so broken in the inside, yet, I am made complete with You. Like broken glasses I picked up pieces of me, blood dripped in vain, renewed and shaped to be another beautiful glass on display. Is my life a display or on display?

Confused.

I think to myself, throughout my entire life, what have I achieved that i could make someone proud. What have i done that I could tell the world about Him. Envy. I was told that I could be more than what I am today. Friends I know miles away, doing great mighty things for both themselves as well as Him. I could only dream. In searching for definition and purpose, I have seen many things, gone thru every junction, yet, sometimes I am made to be ungrateful. It is like pulling strings in pantomime without any soul and emotion attached to it. Blinded characters danced in this play of meaningless. Am I one of them?

With all I am hoping to be, time is my bestfriend.

It is so hard to sing things like '..now that I've found you, everything around me is changing'. It is so hard to not swear and yet the world is telling me it's alright to do so. As I jot this unhappy thought.. God is so good. He sings to me. These words keep singing to me..

'Jesus.. hold me into Your heart.
Into Your heart
And my soul delights..
And I know You hear my pray.
Take me deeper, Lord'

Time and time again, I have disappointed if not many, one. I need grace. More grace. Even among fellow men I have walked and trod along whatever may come, then and now, they haven't been one I can lean on to. Was it so hard to be just plain honest? Oh. Just so you know, whatever you may insist, your fake dirty pretentious heart beats me.

'by Your love Lord You opened my heart
Now Your light will shine always
By Your Word Lord Your promise secure
And my soul will live always
Take me deeper Lord'

Is it necessary to put all these in words? No. But someone ought to know.

I need a shower.

Love

Found this in friend's blog and then another, and another, and another. I find it amusing and yet i could laugh over it. Love does take us hostage. Funny how we sometimes love in exchange for hurt. Why is it so hurtful to love another? Haven't you heard, we are created to love and be loved? Is love worth seeking? Not according to this writer..

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

-neil gaiman-

I choose to keep good memories and erase hurt. Love does not hurt. It hurts a bit but eventually love overcomes. Love mends. Love binds two souls together. Love gives warmth. Love embraces hurt. I can't help it but to fall in love over and over again. It's like i found this love pattern somewhere in me. Love is bitter when its bruised. Somehow it keeps pulling me in one direction. Love is such a massive word. There's something about the word that we cannot understand.

But yeahh.. loving people hurts!

Pretty much how I feel everytime, anyways.

smiles..

Happiness.. The Morning Sun.
Joy.
Laugh.
Cackles.
Chuckles.
Winks.
Giggles.
Smiles.
Thinking.
Missing.

more than that, this means a lot more than words
*hugs n kisses*

You.

cheebeebuboowawaa

Today.. is nothing but another day. Here are just some of my bits i gathered the past week.

Guys are a pathetic lot. Pick one.

Laaa.. Johnny found his scissors in the drawer.

Austrians were vikings according to Dave's doctrine.

The ambience of nothingness can be seen in a drowning pool.. but lasting not.

You can actually cross the river by.. walking?

Esprit lingers on my tongue like.. since a century ago? .. thee rasberry please.

New lovely things arent exactly what they seem at first glance.

Burger King in mp?! And even Auntie Anne's?! Whoaaaaaaaaaa.. `mp' stands for Mahkota Parade(Crown Parade :P)

Bahh..

Chickens in Kenny Roger's are squizly small and tak-cukup-makan. Kurus like hell!!

Can you touch the sky? Would you want to touch the sky? Try climbing or crawling for a start.

Am thinking about Her right now at this very moment..

Home is soon becoming my safe refuge, yet days await my calling.. (?!)

#$!*)!*&^&#!~$%$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Done.

Jesus loves me.. (even when im old?!)

Saw this in annette's and i never knew someone could write(or change) this song we used to sing in sunday school. Remember when we were little and we sing this over and over again until our hands n lips grow weary? Yeah.. it is the exact same song just that this is the so-called adult version and i think it is cute and sweet.. (sing to the very same tune of 'Jesus loves me' and nyak.. nyak.. nyak)

Jesus loves me, this I know,
Though my hair is white as snow.
Though my sight is growing dim,
Still He bids me trust in Him.

(CHORUS)
YES, JESUS LOVES ME... YES, JESUS LOVES ME...
YES, JESUS LOVES ME FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Though my steps are oh, so slow,
With my hand in His I'll go.
On through life, let come what may,
He'll be there to lead the way.

Though I am no longer young,
I have much which He's begun.
Let me serve Christ with a smile,
Go with others the extra mile.

When the nights are dark and long,
In my heart He puts a song.
Telling me in words so clear,
"Have no fear, for I am near."

When my work on earth is done,
And life's victories have been won.
He will take me home above,
Then I'll understand His love.

I love Jesus, does he know?
Have I ever told Him so?
Jesus loves to hear me say,
That I love Him every day

Psalm 133

My picture of a real sweet worship.. from The Message.

Psalm 133
A pilgrim song of David
1How wonderful, how beautiful,
when brothers and sisters get along!
2It's like costly anointing oil
flowing down head and beard,
Flowing down Aaron's beard,
flowing down the collar of his priestly robes.
3It's like the dew on Mount Hermon
flowing down the slopes of Zion.
Yes, that's where Yahweh commands the blessing,
ordains eternal life.